Funny, short jokes in English, joke of the day

Here in this article, we rounded up a collection of very funny jokes, good, short jokes, jokes for kids, jokes in English, joke of the day. Let’s check out!

Funny, short jokes in English, joke of the day

Funny jokes #1

When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

Funny jokes #2

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Funny jokes #3

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”

Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”

Doctor: “Nine.”

#4

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

#5

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

#6

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

#7

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

#8

Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”

Funny jokes, short, good jokes, joke of the day

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#9

“Mom, where do tampons go?”

“Where the babies come from, darling.”

“In a stork???!!!”

#10

Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.

#11

My wife’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.

#12

Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? Because they part for every little shit.

#13

I’d like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?

#14

Police officer: “Can you identify yourself, sir?”

Driver pulls out his mirror and says: “Yes, it’s me.”

#15

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But hell does that burn!

#16

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. “Och, I look like a pig!”

The man nods, “And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!”

#17

When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there’s no domestic violence going on.

#18

What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?

He didn’t count with this…

#19

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

#20

How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?

It’s when the blind try to read your face.

#21

Q. What’s the worst thing about being lonely?

A. Playing Frisbee.

#22

Me and my wife decided that we don’t want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

#23

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

#24

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

#25

There is nothing worse than child polio. No wait, there’s women’s soccer.

#26

Q: Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

A: It had a nosebleed.

#27

Pessimist: “Things just can’t get any worse!”

Optimist: “Nah, of course they can!”

#28

The 21st century: Deleting history is often more important than making it.

“How do you tell that a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.

#29

A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body…. and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

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